Jumping out of my skin

I hate feeling like this. I think I might be pms-ing, but knowing that doesn't make it better. I'm so on edge. So irritable. So frustrated. I've just been feeling like I could just jump right out of my skin. I'm cranky & constantly on edge. Grrr. Arrgh. I HATE feeling like this. I keep grinding my teeth & tensing my muscles. My mind won't stop. Just be quiet. My body feels out of my control. I feel so uncomfortable & disgusting. I want to slash my arms. I'm getting fat. Between no time to workout and the fucking meds that are supposed to make me feel less crazy... I don't even know how much weight I've gained. I can't tell if it's pms or if I need another increase in those meds. Or maybe different ones. I'm so stressed cause I need to find a job so I can pay rent & bills & daycare & get health insurance so I can find a new psychiatrist so I can be less crazy. I hate, hate, HATE feeling like this. I want to be calm & collected. I don't want to be a chaotic psycho mess. Inside or out. My apartment looks like my head right now. Insane chaos. I can't clean either one. I can't keep up. I want to slam my head against the wall or slice my skin so I can breathe.  I HATE feeling like this. I want to scream. I want to get out of here. I want to stay here. Nothing feels right. All I can feel is the roll of fat where my six pack abs used to be. The weight & flab of my arms & legs. Anxiety. Jittery. Like if I hit my arms hard enough maybe they'd fly out of my skin. If I cut my legs I could move. I want to go to sleep. I want to stay awake. I want to feel good. Nothing feels good. Nothing makes it better.