Guilt

Having massive, massive guilt today over feeling so crabby and cranky and just being depressed and in a bad mood. The baby was crabby today too. I should have done a better job empathizing with her and being sensitive to her mood instead of being so self absorbed and distracted by my own. I just feel so heavy and tired. And sad. I can't snap out of it. Ever since last night when I tried on that damn dress. I've known for a while that I need to get back into shape, but that dress just set off a downward spiral and I can't get out of it. I just hope I wake up in a better mood tomorrow. I hope the baby does too. I hope her bad mood hasn't been a reflection of my bad mood. It probably is. I need to find a way out of this. For her sake, and mine. I hate feeling like this. I hate not being able to enjoy my time with her, or just enjoy my time at all. It's amazing how something like a dress that doesn't fit can trigger an episode like this. You'd think if I could slip into it so easily, it would be just as easy to get out. Not so. Damn it.
I got some advice earlier, to try listing 5 good things I experienced at the end of each of my blogs. It's worth a shot...
1. I made my baby girl laugh
2. She made me laugh
3. My boyfriend made me laugh
4. I taught some really great piano lessons today
5. I have the unwavering support of my godmother