Keeping faith

I guess nothing is really over that you don't want to be.
Actually had a good conversation with Russell today. It doesn't mean things are all better, but it was an important step for both of us. So we'll see what happens. One step at a time.
I'm so scared and frustrated with not being able to find a job. It's hard to stay positive when the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me. I was offered an amazing opportunity, to buy the music school I have been teaching at. The owner is moving and approached me. She said she really wanted me to be the one to take over the school. This has been my dream for years, to have my own school. So, I accepted and began preparing to be the owner of my own music school. Something I have always wanted and now here it was. After a few weeks of prepping and talking and fighting and being excited and planning, the owner asked to meet with me and basically told me she had received a better offer and took it all away. She decided to go with someone else. She lied to me. Her actions were out of integrity and has left a detrimental impact on me and my family. So after reeling from that slap in the face, I was offered an amazing job in NYC, but told that they would have to let me know for sure, but lead me to believe it was pretty much good to go. That turned out to not be true either. It's not a definite no, but it's not a yes either. I have to wait and see and hope. However, waiting and hoping doesn't pay very well. It doesn't buy food or diapers or pay the rent or the bills. All of the jobs I've been applying for, don't pay very well and I don't really want. I don't know what else to do. I even contacted my old job and asked them if they have any openings, they don't.
So this is what rock bottom looks like? Please tell me there really is nowhere left to go but up. I don't know how much more I can take. If just one thing would turn out, I know it would restore my faith. Right now it's going fast. So fast, I don't know how much (or how little) is really left.
If the job in the city works out, it will save us. I will be able to spend time with my baby and make enough money to take care of her.

Please God, I know my faith is wearing thin, but this may be the most important prayer I have ever prayed. I need help. I need this job or something just like it to come through. Please, work your magic in my life. Wrap up me and my family in your healing and loving arms and help us to begin to heal and be better and have the life I dream of.
Amen.