Been a while

It's been a while since I've written. Probably cause I don't have much to say. Or, that I have a lot to say, too much, and I just don't want to say it. Very good things are happening. Bad things too. I guess I shouldn't categorize things as "good" or "bad." They aren't really good or bad. They just are. It's amazing how my apartment and my head are always in disarray at the same time. Over the weekend, my head was pretty clear and the apartment was clean and neat. Tonight the apartment is a mess and I can't make sense of my head. Is it really possible to have it all? Can you really have a wonderful relationship, a healthy family, a successful career, all at the same time? I thought it was. It seems it isn't so. Evidently, you're only allowed so much before something's gotta give. I know that there have been many times in my life where I have stood at a crossroad and had to choose my direction. I never really recognized them as that until after the fact. After I had chosen. I didn't even realize I had made a choice. I just figured that was the flow of my life and I was just going along with it. But I am where I am for two reasons. One, it's where I'm supposed to be and two, the choices I've made. This is the first time that I have been at a crossroad and can identify what is happening. I have to make a choice now. Left or right? Or do I just keep going on the same road? I can't turn back. So what now? Which way do I turn? Or do I turn? I'm not actually looking for an answer from out there. That's not the point of my writing. I just need to write. If I can get it out of my head, maybe that will open a space for the answer to find it's way in.